Just because there are thoughts

Call me a ____ bastard, but i just cant resort to drinking to sink my nightmares. Prolonged sleep may be, yes or no sleep at all … but no never a drink. For the taste of life itself is not savored with a nauseus brain. So what do I envision to rid meself of these scorching live nightmares?

I debate myself with alternatives. drinking is not one, no … yes its common … but its too weak for my taste. Sleep yes … sleep is good …. but insomnia hits me almost the same time as the adversities, so sleeps not a lot of help.

must be some way to make the mind numb, insomnia will probably do it eventually, but how long can i endure? nah there has to be a faster way, best friends adviced meditation. Yes that might actually help, but where do I find a quiet place? meditation thus has a requirement a dependency which I cannot at this stage afford.

So what next, can i naturally paralyze myself so nothing moves for an hr. Just my eyes and senses ….. well I cant let go of my senses .. they make the life worth it.

movies, commercials, work, comedy, writing are just distractions whcih provide momentary relief and hence I ramble on……………. is there a purpose? no just a hope that my mind gets numb while writing and I dont hit publish. Thats not going to happen is it.

I am pitying myself too much, thats not right. Gotta get back to life …. there is more light …. I will find it.

Writing helps, always did ….always will……………………… I will find it….